A journey to true leadership.

Do you know how sometimes you must be someone else when you step into a leadership role? It’s like somehow you have to adapt to this new identity because your true self is not “good enough” or “not strong enough” for the position that you're now stepping into.

As I entered the world of leadership, another manager gave me some advice, “rule number one is don’t get too close to your team members and make sure they know who the boss is.”  I had a fair amount of managers in my career, and some of them followed the exact rule.  I didn’t like that as an employee, so I decided that if I ever went into management, I wouldn’t become what I stood against. I believe the employees should be informed, involved in decision-making, and, most of all, enjoy coming to work day after day.

Can you see how that advice didn’t sit well with me?  How did it go against my core values and vision of what kind of leader I wanted to become?  But little I knew that management and then leadership weren’t a mountain valley filled with wildflowers, waterfalls, and sunshine.  What a disappointment!  I fell into the trap of a ‘typical” leadership scheme where you follow set rules delivered by the HR department.  You were told to stay within the bounds of what was allowed and what wasn’t.  Leading from an open heart and creating a close relationship with teams wasn’t often encouraged because people would take advantage of you if you were vulnerable.

So I followed.  The more I followed, the more unhappy I was in my role and life.  This wasn’t the path I wanted to be on!  This was everything I stood against, and yet here I was, doing exactly what I was committed not to do.

Have you ever felt like leading from your most natural way of being was what you wanted to do but somehow lost track of it?  Have you ever thought of changing your leadership style but didn’t know which way to go?

Some time ago, I decided to go on a quest to discover if leading from my heart within predefined boundaries was as dangerous as everyone told me.  I took a chance since I had nothing more to lose. So I started to be more curious about the people I was working with, and over time, I began to build another level of relationship with them.  As the trust deepened, I could be more open and forthcoming with them; I was vulnerable and showed up as who I was instead of whom I was supposed to be.  I continued to set boundaries to ensure everyone understood the environment we were operating within.  I have finally become the leader I envision being many years ago.

If you want to change how you lead and who you are as a leader, then you need to find a way to change how you show up to your team; change how you think about leadership and your role.  The change might be scary; there are no guarantees that your new leadership style will bring you the satisfaction you seek.  The only thing you can ever control is yourself and how you show up.  As a result, you will have the confidence and ability to become an effective leader.

Leaders often don’t change their style because they are afraid of either losing their status and being disrespected or ignored, or they have this story in their head that the only way to lead a team is by creating an environment based on fear, hierarchy, or silence.  They continue to follow what they learned by watching other leaders who weren’t the best example.

You might believe that you need to be someone you’re not or adopt an identity that people will fear because if they don’t fear you, they won’t see you as an influential leader, and they won’t respect you enough to follow your lead.

What if I told you there is another way?  What if I showed you there is a way to realign your leadership with your essence?  You can lead your team in a way that aligns with who you are and how you want to show up in your world.  You don’t have to become somebody else when you cross the threshold of your office.  You can stop leading from the past and start leading from your natural way of being.

What do you envision your most significant transformation would look like for you?  Where in your leadership do you see the possibility of making small changes or introducing newness?