Am I Holding Myself Back?

Here it is—the familiar feeling in my stomach, the knot, the pit, the feeling of building anxiety.

I had a weird dream last night. But what I remember the most from it was that I was rejected. Twice.

I woke up feeling sad. I felt tears collecting underneath my eyelids; the familiar burning sensation started to build up just moments before my eyelids gave in, and I felt the warm tears flowing down my cheeks.

I asked myself a question: what am I afraid of?

Loneliness.

The single answer came to me within a split second. I always knew the answer subconsciously, but rarely do I allow the answer to come to the surface.

There are times when, down deep, I still feel unlovable and unloved. Despite all the effort I put into it, I have days when I’m just sad.

Logically, I know that’s not true. Logically, I know I have a wonderful life and people who genuinely love and care about me.

So why am I feeling so empty today? Why am I feeling so lonely and unloved?

As I’m sitting quietly with my questions, I feel the tears starting to build up again.

It’s painful to ask yourself that question.

Most of us just want to ignore that feeling and bury it deep inside, covering it with day-to-day activities and busy minds.

But today, I want to challenge you and ask you to choose not to do it. Today, I want to invite you to sit with that question, knowing that it might bring pain and tears.

We often hold ourselves back from the fear of being hurt. We hide our power or give our power away from the fear of being too much, from the fear of being more than others, or from the fear that our successes would trigger others' insecurities.

Sometimes, we give our power away because we just want to feel loved, to belong, to be part of something bigger, and we are afraid that if we show up as our true selves, we might get rejected. Again and again.

So, as a result, we reject ourselves.

Why?

Because the need to be loved and accepted by others is greater than the love we have for ourselves.

So what could we do now?

Knowing what you want and what you deserve, knowing what your needs are and what you yearn for, are the first steps to finding happiness.

Knowing how to love yourself and give yourself what you need is an essential step to inner peace.

And finally, give yourself permission to love and be loved, to feel like you deserve the life you want and that you are enough to claim it.

Make that your daily practice.

And stop holding yourself back!

A Solution To a Problem That No Longer Exists.

Have you ever felt like you are trying to impress someone who is no longer part of your life or who shouldn’t have any say in how you live your life?

Yeah, I have!

During my recent conversation with my coach, we talked about my relationship with my father. It wasn’t an easy conversation, but I guess it was time to be brought up.

I told him that, for most of my life, I wanted my father to be proud of me. And he was… to some degree.

But he never really approved of me moving across the world and leaving behind everything I’ve built (and what he built for me).

So, for the last twenty years, I’ve been trying to show him that I made the right choice and that my decision brought more opportunities for myself and my children, opportunities I otherwise couldn’t have.

Despite my efforts to convince him that I made the right choices in my life, I continued to feel his disapproval. Despite being a successful adult with a well-established career and a happy life, I continued to feel like a little kid who disappoints their caregivers over and over again.

At that point, my conversation with my coach went something like this:

Him: “So, how old are you now?”

Me: “I’m in my late 40s.”

Him: “Are you the same person as you were when you decided to leave your home?”

Me: “No, I’m not.”

Him: “So, you are trying to solve a problem that no longer exists. You’re trying to prove to your dad that you made the right decision and make him see how happy you are. But you already made it; you are already there! You did build the life for yourself that you are proud of, right? So why are you trying to prove it to him?”

There was a moment of silence as I pondered on the question.

And then more questions started to overload my mind: why do I try to gain his approval? Why do I need to hear how proud he is of me? Why am I longing for something that I might never get?

We often find ourselves in a similar situation to mine when we’re constantly looking for ways to prove something to others or gain their approval and recognition for things we’ve accomplished.

Whether it’s your parent or your ex-partner, your children, family members, or even your friends, we continue to do things that we think will make us feel whole again, like are we enough, that we are lovable.

But here is the little secret I want to share with you.

All the things you are waiting for others to hear - the acknowledgment, the approval, the love - should come from within, for your heart and inner voice.

And that is the hardest thing to do in our lifetime: to tell yourself, your inner child, that you’re enough, that you’re lovable, that you're proud of yourself for everything you’ve done.

And then to believe the words you say to yourself.

I Don’t Have Time for Fun. There is Too Much to Do!

Here we go again…

How many times have you said those words to your coworkers, or have your team members said that to you because they just didn’t want to go to another boring team-building retreat?

Yeah, I’ve been there before. But I knew that must be a better way to do it. So, I did some research and asked some questions. LOTS OF QUESTIONS! I was on the quest to help facilitate fun, engaging, creative, and tasty company retreats.

In my most recent company retreat that I helped to facilitate, I did a team-building exercise. I love doing them because they not only bring people together but also bring energy, fun, loud exchanges of ideas, and, most of all - laughter! So. Much. Fun!

Whether it's team building, strategic planning, problem-solving, or simply relaxation, a successful company retreat has a significant positive impact on team morale, productivity, and overall company culture. It gives employees an opportunity to relax, enjoy each other’s company, goof around, and just be themselves. 

However, when executed poorly, employees might feel like the retreat takes time away from their busy schedule, forcing them to push back all the things that could’ve been done on the day of the retreat. It might feel like a mandatory “mental break” from the day-to-day operations.

The truth is that not all company retreats are designed to be fun or executed as such. Who would want to sit through a day full of boring meetings and uninspiring speeches and participate in team-building activities that are dry and don’t really bring people closer together?

So, what makes a company retreat successful?

Here are some things to think about:

• Involve employees in the planning process: Seek input on destinations, activities, and themes to make sure the retreat appeals to a wide range of interests and needs.

• Appropriate Location: Choose a location that aligns with your objectives. It could be a remote cabin for team bonding, a conference center for workshops, or a resort for relaxation. Ensure the venue has the necessary facilities and amenities and it’s within your budget (you don’t want to stress about the money!).

• Well-Structured Agenda: Create a detailed itinerary that balances work-related sessions with fun and relaxation. Provide a mix of team-building activities, workshops, discussions, and free time.

• Professional Facilitation: Consider hiring a professional facilitator or team-building expert to lead workshops and activities to maximize the retreat's effectiveness.

• Engaging Activities: Plan activities encouraging teamwork, communication, and problem-solving, such as team-building games, outdoor adventures, workshops, and interactive sessions.

• Team Bonding: Meals, group activities, and informal gatherings can foster connections among team members.

• Communication: Communicate the purpose and goals of the retreat well in advance. Share the agenda, expectations, and any pre-retreat assignments with participants.

• Reflect and Learn: Include time for reflection and feedback during and after the retreat. Encourage participants to share their thoughts and insights, which can lead to improvements for future retreats.

• Follow-Up: After the retreat, follow up with action items and plans derived from the retreat's discussions and activities. Ensure that the insights gained are integrated into the company's ongoing operations and culture.

• Inclusivity and Diversity: Ensure that the retreat is inclusive and considers the diverse needs and preferences of your team members, such as dietary restrictions, accessibility, and cultural sensitivities.

• Flexibility: Be adaptable during the retreat. Sometimes, the best outcomes result from unexpected moments or discussions that deviate from the agenda.

• Enjoyable Experience: Lastly, make sure the retreat is an enjoyable experience for everyone. Fun and relaxation are essential components of a successful retreat.

A successful company retreat leaves employees feeling more connected, motivated, and aligned with the company's mission and values. And that makes a huge impact on the company's overall culture, employee satisfaction, and productivity.

Why Everything Has To Be So Freaking Hard?

During my last visit home, I met with my friends and family members and listened to stories about their lives, the happy moments that continued to bring smiles to their faces and spark their eyes. They talked about what changed, what challenges they were forced to face, and the sorrows they had to overcome.

It always amazes me how familiar those stories sound to my own and how universal they are, regardless of where you live.

I started to wonder why.

Why, despite where we are, our age, and/or relationship status - despite all of it - are we still looking for something different from what is today, something that would light the fire inside our hearts?

You might recognize this feeling inside your heart today: the sense of longing for something you just can’t explain.

You might think you have everything you ever wanted or feel like you’re a victim of your life and circumstances, but you’re not ready to stop searching. 

You might feel lost because you didn’t allow yourself to find your purpose, your place in this world. So you continue to search for it, exploring different opportunities or running experiments on what works and what doesn’t.

Sometimes, we find the answer but still don’t understand how it connects to the bigger picture and our purpose. 

Today, on this beautiful August day, I’d like to introduce you to find a quiet place where you can close your eyes, feel your presence in your body, and when you’re ready, write down answers to the questions below.

• What activities make you lose track of time because you enjoy them so much?

• What are your core values, and how do they align with your current lifestyle?

• What would you spend your time doing if money and external validation were not a concern?

• Explore your strengths, talents, and passions. Understanding what you excel at and what you love to do can provide clues about your purpose.

Happy exploring!

Elevating Leadership Impact: The Power of Micro-Connections.

In the fast-paced world of business, it's easy for leaders to get caught up in macro-level decisions and overlook the significance of micro-connections. While working with leaders, I often share small, genuine interactions that can make a big impact on their leadership effectiveness and team morale. 

Here's a list of 6 micro-connections for leaders to implement:

1. Morning Micro-Check-Ins: Start your day by checking in with a few team members individually. Ask about their well-being, share a brief personal anecdote, and express your gratitude for their contributions. This simple habit sets a positive tone for the day.

2. Active Listening at Meetings: Practice active listening during meetings. Give your full attention to the speaker, ask clarifying questions, and acknowledge their ideas. This fosters a culture of respect and openness within your team.

3. Celebrate Milestones: Whether it's a project completion or a work anniversary, celebrate milestones publicly. Recognize individuals and their accomplishments during team meetings or through internal communication channels.

4. Transparent Vulnerability: Share a personal leadership challenge you're facing and ask for input from your team. This transparency fosters a sense of collaboration and shows that you value their insights.

5. Micro-Coaching Moments: Offer quick, constructive feedback in real-time. When you notice an opportunity for improvement, address it promptly and provide guidance for growth.

6. Empowerment Micro-Delegations: Delegate small tasks that align with team members' strengths. This empowers them and builds their confidence in taking on larger responsibilities.

Remember, leadership is not just about grand gestures but also about the small, consistent actions that shape your relationships and team dynamics. By focusing on micro-connections, you'll create a ripple effect of positivity, trust, and enhanced leadership effectiveness throughout your organization.

Can You Hear Me Now?

In the fast-paced world of C-level leadership, effective communication often takes a back seat to the daily whirlwind of tasks.

Here is a list of 6 tips that will enhance your communication skills and effectiveness:

1. Reflect on Your Intent: Before communicating, ask yourself: "What is my intention in this conversation?" Ensure that your message aligns with your leadership values and the desired outcome. This mindset shift keeps your communication purposeful.

2. Pause Before You Speak: In high-pressure situations, it's easy to react quickly. Instead, take a deep breath and pause for a moment before responding. This allows you to gather your thoughts, choose your words wisely, and maintain composure.

3. Listen Actively: Effective communication is a two-way street. Practice active listening by giving your full attention to the speaker, asking clarifying questions, and demonstrating empathy. This fosters deeper connections and mutual understanding.

4. Master Non-Verbal Cues: Pay attention to your body language, tone, and facial expressions. These non-verbal cues can speak louder than words. Maintain an open and approachable posture to encourage engagement.

5. Seek Feedback: Encourage honest feedback from trusted colleagues or mentors about your communication style. Use this input as a valuable resource for continuous improvement.

6. Practice Empathy: Put yourself in the shoes of your audience. Understand their perspectives, concerns, and aspirations. This empathy allows you to connect on a deeper level and build trust.

This simple yet powerful approach empowers everyone, not only those in leadership positions, to communicate with purpose, authenticity, and effectiveness, ultimately driving positive outcomes for your organization.