Be the host.

From the early years of my life, my friends would come to me when they just wanted to be heard or when they sought advice.  I would sit there and listen to their story.  There was no judgment, no interruption.  It was me showing up fully to a friend who was in distress.  I never thought much about what it takes to be a good friend or a supportive leader.  I used to believe it was nothing special; after all, everyone showed up this way to people who needed help or support.  But when the time came for me to need a friend, I couldn’t bring myself to unburden myself.  I kept it all inside, believing I could help myself just like I was helping others.  I was wrong.

Have you ever felt uncomfortable asking for help or for a few minutes of your friend’s time?  Do you feel like asking a friend or your leader to listen adds a burden to their already busy schedule?  Have you told yourself a story that your problem is yours alone and you shouldn’t burden anyone with it; you should be able to deal with it yourself?

Yes, I hear you!  I was always showing up for others but rarely asking for help when I needed it most.  Even when I stepped into the leadership role, I created a safe space for team members when they needed help prioritizing, finding direction with the project they were working on, or simply just having somebody to talk to.  I was always there.  But I couldn’t bring myself to turn that around and ask for help myself.

Friendship and leadership are about being a host.  Fast-forwarding to most recent years, when I meet with my team or with my coaching client, I continue to create a space, a big container that allows both of us to show up fully and tackle the problem at hand. 

As Robert Ellis says, being the host is more than just being with; it’s also being for the client.

I’m curious about what being a host means to you.  Where in your life can you show up as a host?  And lastly, to be able to show up as a host, do you need to change how are you being, how you’re showing up for other people?

If you want to build a stronger relationship with your partner or coworkers, try to be 5% more present each time they come to you, keeping in mind the 3-minute rule.