Am I Holding Myself Back?

Here it is—the familiar feeling in my stomach, the knot, the pit, the feeling of building anxiety.

I had a weird dream last night. But what I remember the most from it was that I was rejected. Twice.

I woke up feeling sad. I felt tears collecting underneath my eyelids; the familiar burning sensation started to build up just moments before my eyelids gave in, and I felt the warm tears flowing down my cheeks.

I asked myself a question: what am I afraid of?

Loneliness.

The single answer came to me within a split second. I always knew the answer subconsciously, but rarely do I allow the answer to come to the surface.

There are times when, down deep, I still feel unlovable and unloved. Despite all the effort I put into it, I have days when I’m just sad.

Logically, I know that’s not true. Logically, I know I have a wonderful life and people who genuinely love and care about me.

So why am I feeling so empty today? Why am I feeling so lonely and unloved?

As I’m sitting quietly with my questions, I feel the tears starting to build up again.

It’s painful to ask yourself that question.

Most of us just want to ignore that feeling and bury it deep inside, covering it with day-to-day activities and busy minds.

But today, I want to challenge you and ask you to choose not to do it. Today, I want to invite you to sit with that question, knowing that it might bring pain and tears.

We often hold ourselves back from the fear of being hurt. We hide our power or give our power away from the fear of being too much, from the fear of being more than others, or from the fear that our successes would trigger others' insecurities.

Sometimes, we give our power away because we just want to feel loved, to belong, to be part of something bigger, and we are afraid that if we show up as our true selves, we might get rejected. Again and again.

So, as a result, we reject ourselves.

Why?

Because the need to be loved and accepted by others is greater than the love we have for ourselves.

So what could we do now?

Knowing what you want and what you deserve, knowing what your needs are and what you yearn for, are the first steps to finding happiness.

Knowing how to love yourself and give yourself what you need is an essential step to inner peace.

And finally, give yourself permission to love and be loved, to feel like you deserve the life you want and that you are enough to claim it.

Make that your daily practice.

And stop holding yourself back!