The Life of a Marionette

I used to love playing with marionettes or puppets when I was a kid. I loved to use my imagination to make wooden dolls or animals come to life. I spent hours in the imaginary world full of joy and laughter, unexpected guests, and even unfortunate events. There was no limitation on what I could do; the stories just came to life.

Until just recently, I never actually thought about it. As I was reflecting on my life’s journey, I tried to find what the most important events of my life had in common; the events that made an impact on my personal life, my career advancement, education, and even my relocation across the ocean in searching for a different life. What I discovered was hard to accept.

From adolescence to adulthood, I constantly gave my powers away, thinking that others knew better what I could and couldn’t do, who I should and shouldn’t be or love, what education was best for me, and what career track I should put myself on. How sad that is, and yet so familiar.

My parents wanted me to open a restaurant (my mom is an excellent cook), but I had no interest in cooking. But I went to culinary school because they had that power over me. Four years later, I tried to continue my culinary journey and applied to college to get the decree that would allow me to fulfill my mom’s dream. I tried for two years with the same results — rejection! The rejection wasn’t just an external event announced by the official letter from the university but also made an impact internally. It was official — I wasn’t good enough!

Fast-forwarding to the most recent years, as I was climbing the leadership ladder, I continued to give my powers away to others, sometimes unknowingly or unwillingly, other times being fully aware of my actions. Others would tell me how to manage and what I needed to do to continue to grow, and I would follow their lead, believing they had my best interest in mind. I felt like this brainless marionette moving along as others pulled the strings attached to the body of a doll, day after day, not trusting myself, not believing in my abilities and skills but looking for ways to be validated, loved, accepted, respected, and seen.

Have you ever felt like a marionette or a puppet in your job, life, or relationship? Have you ever given your powers away to others, allowing others to control your every move and every decision from the fear of rejection?

Then you know how it feels.

I lived in a place of scarcity for most of my life until the day when my life crumbled around me, laying silently at my feet. At that point, I had nothing else to lose. I decided to seek help, to find someone who would help me through the darkest times of my life that lie ahead. Eventually, I was ready to accept that I had a choice; I could take those powers back and own my own life for the first time ever! That realization came with a feeling of liberation. Liberation from being a marionette.

I went on a self-discovery journey, the only journey I could take to the deepest and scariest parts of my heart and mind. It was an internal job, but I knew that for me to succeed, I needed to do something very hard for me to do — ask for help. Just because it was a self-discovery journey didn’t mean I couldn’t or shouldn’t ask others for help. So I surrounded myself with people who already saw me for who I truly was and wanted to help and support me on my journey. They walked alongside me, loved me, and encouraged me not to give up on being myself again.

It was and continues to be a long and scary journey. Facing my self-judgments, limiting beliefs, false identities, fears, and the stories my mind constantly creates continues to be a series of experiments that lead to my own transformational, beautiful journey to self-love and bravery, learning how to own my uniqueness and, mostly, how to feel like I’m enough. I could finally start showing up as myself, following my heart, passion, purpose, and my why. After all, I’m a leading lady; I choose courage over comfort.

What is the smallest string you could cut today that would take you closer from giving your powers away to bringing them where they belong? Could you think of a person or two who could support you on the self-discovery journey? If so, could you ask them to be there for you as you’re getting ready to go on a journey to liberation to start creating the life you love?