How my broken heart helped me to become a better leader.

A broken heart. We all have experienced it. There is no way to avoid that unless you turn away from love altogether, if that is even possible. 

A broken heart can teach you a lot about yourself. I know it taught me a lot! 

2020 was a challenging year for many. For me, it wasn’t all about the pandemic. It was the loss of two very important people in my life - my colleague and my partner. Our relationships ended; they just walked away and moved on as if the past didn’t exist. I was left with pieces of my heart lying still in my hands. I knew I had to make a choice - I could stitch it together and move on, or take a careful look at the broken parts, understand them, and then heal them.

I decided to try the latter. I decided that I needed to find out why the feeling of abandonment and dependency was so present in my life. I knew it couldn’t be just my past; I knew I played a role, a part large enough that left me alone, heartbroken, and lost. So I sought help, determined to learn about my broken parts and heal what was broken long ago.

The journey wasn’t easy. Those who went through a similar journey know how hard it is to reenter your dark passage; it doesn’t matter if the trauma happened yesterday or when you were a 5-years old child. It won’t leave until you face it and try your best to make peace with it. And that requires persistence, grit, dedication, patience, and love.

One of the most valuable lessons I learned during my self-discovery journey was how to love myself and see myself for who I truly am - funny, kind, hard-working, dedicated, motivated, and full of love. It was one of the most difficult lessons I had to learn, and I continued learning. 

But self-love is not much different than when being in a relationship. (You just replace a stranger with yourself.) they both take time and require care and dedication. Just like in any relationship, there might be times when you get into a silent argument with yourself, you might not feel loved or loveable; you feel lost and abandoned. It might be because you lost sight of yourself, your values, and your purpose. The heart will tell you when you no longer live in your best self-interest.

I’m not saying that you need to be selfish to love yourself, that you always have to put yourself first. Not at all. What I’m saying is that you are as important as other people in your life.

And that was something that I never learned—quite the opposite. From my early years, I was taught that loving myself was selfish and that I should always put myself last. So I lived in a lie that if I gave my love away, I would finally feel loved.

I didn’t know that was an inside job. I didn’t know I was the only person who could love myself the way I needed to be loved. Why? Because I was the only person who truly, deeply understood my needs. I didn’t have to explain to anyone how I wanted to be loved because it came naturally.

For the first time in my life, I could fulfill my own needs, my love. For the first time, I felt loved. And with that self-love came healing. I showed up powerfully in my personal and professional life. I became confident in my decision-making, leading and supporting my team, and making big financial decisions. I felt whole and empowered; I could show up fully and lovingly as a coach, an ally, and a trusted friend. I was creating the life I loved.

Today, as a love and leadership coach and trainer, my aim is to help my clients get clarity on what holds them back from showing up powerfully and truthfully, to untangle from the beliefs and stories they have around love and leadership; I help them to see where their life might be misaligned with what their heart is longing for.

What are you longing for?