Oh, Aren’t You Silly!

In my latest article, I introduced Robert Ellis’ idea of thresholds. Today, I want to take you deeper and share a little more information about the first threshold, the Silliness threshold, and also, I’m also going to share some of my personal stories with you.

So what is the silliness threshold? It’s the fear of not looking good.

I wonder, how many times have you found yourself at this threshold? How often have you thought about starting a new career or moving to a new city, but the fear of doing something you haven’t done before overtook your ability to pursue your dream? How many times did a thought cross your mind that you couldn’t simply come back to being a beginner, especially if you already were in the midst of your career? That’s just silly! Isn’t it!?

Many times in my life, I found myself at the silliness threshold. The one I remember the most was when I joined Coaching from Essence community. When Robert Ellis, my coach, asked me about my dream, I told him I wanted to be a coach - and I laughed! When he asked about my career and my experience, I told him that I’ve been coaching people most of my life, without even realizing it but I wouldn’t “classify” that as coaching. What do you think I did next? Yep, I laughed!

It took me some time to recognize when I was approaching the silliness threshold. In the past, when I started to share my dream with others, I often started to laugh at the absurdness of my thinking, and as I went deeper into sharing my dream, I would give more reasons why it wasn’t practical or possible for me to go that route. Thinking that I would be able to serve people, something that I dreamt about for most of my life, came with some resistance. After all, I had a great career, I was very good at my job, and I really enjoyed what I did, so why would I want to leave it all behind to start all over again? Am I not too old for that? Am I even qualified to do it?

When I shared my vision with my family and friends of being a coach and eventually leaving the career that I’ve built for over a decade, they would look at me with signs of worry on their faces. They tried to convince me that it was too late to follow my dreams; it was too late to change direction. And maybe I was being selfish; after all, I had a family to support!

But I stuck to my goal of becoming the best coach I could possibly be and serving those who choose to work with me. Eventually, I found myself at the place where I felt comfortable with my decision. I knew there would be times when my coaching could’ve been better, my writing wouldn’t be perfect, or I had to show up with more vulnerability.

I was determined to continue building my practice and showing up as my true self. I knew if I stopped now before I really started my journey, I would regret it. I knew that if I gave in to the silliness threshold, to the fear of not being perfect, I would go back to where I was before I decided to dream, where I felt safe and confident because I knew what I was doing.

If I wanted to turn my dreams into reality, I had to become… me. Yes, I had to become me! The true me that had been quietly and patiently waiting for the day when I become daring when I decide to take charge and go on a journey to transform from who I was to who I truly meant to be. Or even something better than I could imagine was possible for me. 

I still don’t know what is possible, and I’m not done exploring. My journey has just started. There is no direct path that takes me to where I want to go. I’m exploring and running experiments to see which path feels more true to me and is more aligned with my purpose. It’s a beautiful journey, full of unexpected turns, drops, and… thresholds. 

I’m curious, have you ever found yourself at the silliness threshold? What did you do? What are you going to do when you find yourself there yet again? What actions will you take to cross the threshold that keeps you away from getting closer to accomplishing your goal or fulfilling your dream?

And as you think about the solution, remember Rumi’s wise words.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”