Be the host.

From the early years of my life, my friends would come to me when they just wanted to be heard or when they sought advice.  I would sit there and listen to their story.  There was no judgment, no interruption.  It was me showing up fully to a friend who was in distress.  I never thought much about what it takes to be a good friend or a supportive leader.  I used to believe it was nothing special; after all, everyone showed up this way to people who needed help or support.  But when the time came for me to need a friend, I couldn’t bring myself to unburden myself.  I kept it all inside, believing I could help myself just like I was helping others.  I was wrong.

Have you ever felt uncomfortable asking for help or for a few minutes of your friend’s time?  Do you feel like asking a friend or your leader to listen adds a burden to their already busy schedule?  Have you told yourself a story that your problem is yours alone and you shouldn’t burden anyone with it; you should be able to deal with it yourself?

Yes, I hear you!  I was always showing up for others but rarely asking for help when I needed it most.  Even when I stepped into the leadership role, I created a safe space for team members when they needed help prioritizing, finding direction with the project they were working on, or simply just having somebody to talk to.  I was always there.  But I couldn’t bring myself to turn that around and ask for help myself.

Friendship and leadership are about being a host.  Fast-forwarding to most recent years, when I meet with my team or with my coaching client, I continue to create a space, a big container that allows both of us to show up fully and tackle the problem at hand. 

As Robert Ellis says, being the host is more than just being with; it’s also being for the client.

I’m curious about what being a host means to you.  Where in your life can you show up as a host?  And lastly, to be able to show up as a host, do you need to change how are you being, how you’re showing up for other people?

If you want to build a stronger relationship with your partner or coworkers, try to be 5% more present each time they come to you, keeping in mind the 3-minute rule.

Are you tired of struggling yet? Try thriving instead!

Recently, I’ve discovered that if I’m not challenged - I struggle. I get bored; I develop a sense of staleness and slowness. I can almost feel my energy draining from every pore on my skin. I procrastinate, dragging my feet till the clock says, “You can go home now.”

Have you ever found yourself moving the calendar reminders from Monday to Tuesday, and before you know it, it’s Friday, and you’re still done with that task?  Or, instead of running necessary errands or finishing a project at home, you find yourself binge-watching something that doesn’t interest you in the first place.  Yeah, I get it; I’ve been there before (and sometimes, I’m still guilty of returning to the old habits).

I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t say I like that feeling. I like action; I love to be surrounded by people and be amidst brainstorming sessions to discover the solution to the problem the organization's current problem. This is my thing. This is when I know I thrive.

It wasn’t always like that. I used to be uncomfortable when people asked me to participate in a brainstorming session or when they asked about my opinion. I was paralyzed when every person in the room turned to have a better view of me as I melted in my seat from embarrassment. It wasn’t until I was told by my mentor that I needed to be OK with experiencing some discomfort to grow. But I knew my issue wasn’t just the unwillingness to experience some discomfort. It was the lack of self-confidence that I had something to share with the world that others wanted to hear.

When I first discovered my passion for problem-solving and recognized the ability (I always had but chose to ignore) for being able to listen to the needs, summarize the needs back to the customer or a team member and then provide a handful of options, I started to feel more confident, supported. I finally felt like I was part of a team. I learned to ask questions and offered my support, so I didn’t get bored anymore. But that came with the self-realization that asking for more work doesn’t mean I can’t organize my day or find more work to do - one of the limiting beliefs that kept me from exploring and running experiments to do and learn more.

If I want to thrive in the workplace and my personal life, I need to be OK with the discomfort that new situation creates. Without getting out of my comfort zone, it’s hard to make the life I love.

You know better than anyone what keeps you away from thriving. You can set a timer for 10 mins and write what comes to your mind, and include every reason that keeps you away from achieving the goals to move you closer to thriving, focusing on the long-term goal instead the short-term results.

In which area of your life are you currently struggling?  Are you setting impossible expectations right now? How can you challenge yourself a little more? And how would you approach your journey differently if you came from a place of thriving instead of struggling?

Begin before you are ready.

Growing up, I believed I wasn’t unique and was often reminded of it.  With time I created a belief that I wasn’t good enough to be successful or, better yet, to find someone who would love me just the way I was.  As time went by, I was convinced I needed someone other than myself who’d filled this hole in my heart.  I believed I needed others like I needed oxygen.  It became my identity.

I was always there for people, even if that meant giving away a piece of my soul.  I was hungry for love and acceptance.  I neglected my boundaries and my integrity just to be loved, to belong, and to be enough.  Struggling with self-love and self-acceptance became the biggest struggle in my personal and professional life. 

Even when I found the perfect guy and got the ideal job, my happiness and fulfillment continued to be out of reach; my life continued to be filled with loneliness, compromises, misunderstandings, and miscommunications.  I continued to feel lost and out of alignment.

Have you ever felt you couldn’t be yourself at home while surrounded by your loved ones or friends?  Or at work where being yourself wasn’t accepted or “required”?  Have you ever been told that to be loved or successful, you needed to adjust to the “norm,” keep your mouth shut, be different, or be more like…?

What if I told you that all of this is just nonsense, and YOU have the power to change it?

In mid-2020, I was miserable at work, AND my romantic relationship just came to an end.  I returned to the empty house where the memories of my happiness swirled around.  I tried to keep my life together for the sake of my two beautiful children, but I was on autopilot.  I cooked and cleaned; I drove them to and from school and asked about their days.  But inside, I was empty, broken, and alone.  I slowly closed doors to my friends, family, and coworkers.  I just wanted to be alone.  I kept asking myself how this came to be my life.  Couldn’t it be just them?  And if not them, then what’s wrong with ME?  Still broken and weak, I decided something had to change.  I had to change!

I went on a self-discovery journey before I was ready.  I took the smallest step in my recovery and found a therapist, then a coach.  I started reading a lot just to realize how broken I was and how much trauma I’ve carried inside my heart for most of my life.  I slowly transformed myself and my life.  It was the most challenging job I’ve ever done. 

I choose to share my journey to self-acceptance with you to show what is possible. I show up in my personal and professional life open, vulnerable, loving, caring, kind, and at peace.  Every day I choose to create a beautiful life for myself and my two amazing kids with INTEGRITY, lots of LOVE, and PLAYFULNESS knowing that I’m enough!!  I have new beliefs. I created a new identity.

This transformation led me to set my compass toward a new horizon.  I'm on a mission to empower females who are ready to go on a transformation journey despite the beliefs and identities that were passed down to them.  I’m excited to work with driven, committed, and hardworking individuals who want to fulfill their destinies but are told their dream has no place to live.  I support those ready to strip away limiting beliefs and identities around success, leadership, and power that hold them back from creating the life they love while being bold and unapologetic for who they are.

If you’re ready to let go of beliefs that keep you “safe” from creating the life you love or building a business from your dreams, drop a note below and share the first step you are CHOOSING to take today.  However small, however big!  You got this!

Remember, begin before you are ready.

Who Decides?

Who decides how much we are worth? Who decides if we are worthy of love or live a life full of sorrow? Who decides how and where we live, who we share our life with, and how we spend our days? Who decides if we are good at what we do daily, the career we choose, and how much money we make? Who decides who is in charge or when the partnership happens? Who decides the next move, when to say yes, and when to say no? Who decides how much we are worth?

You do!

For most of my life, I let others make decisions for me, sometimes unknowingly, sometimes unwillingly. I was scared that if I stood up for what I believed was right, I would be unloved and uncared for. Practicing deep coaching allowed me to go deeper inside my heart and mind to find the source of self-interest, status-seeking, scarcity, and survival - feelings that kept me from becoming me.

As a coach, I’m privileged to sit across from other people and join them as an ally on a quest to create the life they love; to achieve what they thought was impossible, to create something greater than themselves; to stretch their comfort zone. It’s magical to watch them reach the unreachable; watch them transform in front of my eyes.

Robert Hargrove said, “coaching is a story of greatness and pettiness; brilliance and blindness; failure and grace.”

If you are ready to answer the call to this kind of quest/adventure, book a Dream Session and we will go on the journey together to explore the unknown and create a life where you truly be you.

Be curious!

Izabela

Mapping the journey of a leader.

Twenty years ago, with my degree in Geography in my pocket, I packed my bags and moved to the States. I left my home, family, and friends behind in search of something bigger.  My English wasn’t excellent, my US geography knowledge was limited, and I knew the software was different from what I used in the past.  But I was sure I wanted to continue my journey as a cartographer.  Map-making was my dream, my passion, and my love.

I knew I had to get out of my comfort zone if I wanted to build my dream career in the States.  I decided to attend a local conference and determined that I would make a connection that would lead to a job.  I picked one of the presenters, handed him my resume, and said: “I need a job.  My English is not very good, and I might not know the software yet, but I’m not afraid of hard work.  I will not disappoint you; that is my promise to you”.   He called a few days later, inviting me for an interview.  I got the internship.

That was just the beginning of my career in the geospatial industry.  I moved from internship to Geographic Information Systems (GIS) technician, specialist, and analyst, and every time I made the step forward, I still was searching for more.  I learned from everything and everyone.  I saw what the software could do and how underutilized it was.  I saw the missed opportunities, and I was ready to step up and take the lead.  I wanted to become the voice of GIS in the organization and lead the organization toward success.  I started looking for allies who would join my movement; I reached out to other organizations asking them to join our collaboration efforts.  Slowly I was turning my dream into reality.

I want to grow my career; how do I do that? I want to make a difference. What steps do I need to take? What education do I need to have to be able to be successful?

Once I stepped into the leadership role, I started by expanding my team and developing a strategy to implement my vision and mission- taking GIS beyond what everyone thought was possible.  Over the next few years, I wrote the first ever GIS Strategic Plan; I organized a group of GIS professionals from other agencies to collaborate on data sharing. I presented at conferences.  I created my dream.

Sounds lovely, doesn’t it?  Leadership, like everything else, is a double-sided coin.  It comes with great opportunities, successes, recognition, and money.  But the leadership also has a dark side.  Difficult decisions and choices could lead to loneliness, depression, and isolation.  It was an arduous journey; a journey to self-discovery, compassion, and empathy but also a journey of discovering possibilities, opportunities, and teamwork.  Ultimately, I changed myself; it changed how I showed up as a  leader, mentor, coach, mother, daughter, partner, and friend.

In my coaching, during my first meeting with a client, I ask them, “What is the most important thing today that you can take real value from?” At this point, they begin sharing their story with me, a story very similar to mine: I want to grow my career; how do I do that?  I want to make a difference.  What steps do I need to take, what education do I need to be successful, and so on?  I ask them to tell me where they are, their dream job, or what would make them feel successful.  I listen to their longing and dreams; I see the smile on their face or the sorrow in their eyes when they share the story with me; I hear the pain in their voice or the fear of what-ifs.  I leave the space for them to tell me where they are and what they are longing for.

When I first came to the States, my goal was to get a job in the GIS. I discovered what path I needed to take to get there.  Somewhere along the way, I noticed the longing for something more, something better.  I was on a quest to discover the source of my longing.  I thought working in the GIS was my dream!  Was there more?  I was on a quest to find something better than I had ever imagined for myself.

Robert Ellis explained: “If you’re on a quest, you need to be a leader. A leader is someone who knows how to journey. They aren’t afraid of the unknown. While a path is predictable or easily discoverable and repeatable, a quest is unpredictable (once it has been discovered and becomes repeatable, it’s a path).”

If you find yourself on a similar journey to mine, don’t give up; continue to dream, explore and challenge yourself.  Because you never know what awaits on the other side.  And what an incredible adventure that is!

What is the biggest challenge you had to face as a leader?  What could you do to build your dream career and life?