Why do I like to work with leaders?

I remember the time when I was stepping into my first leadership role. I was excited and terrified at the same time. It was like walking on thin ice - I carefully took each step for fear of falling into the ice-cold water. The further I went into my role, the more aggressive I became, to the point where I lost my sense of being; I stopped leading from my values and balance. Instead, I led from a place of scarcity, survival, and self-interest, accomplishing my goals “no matter what.” I felt lost, ungrounded, and drifting into darkness. I felt and acted like a victim - unsupported, exhausted, and unseen.

I continued to drift and make poor decisions. Without a clear purpose and strong support system, I couldn’t find my way back to the surface. I wish I could blame the pandemic, but it was really my own doing, and it was time for me to admit it, face it, and own it. More importantly, it was time for me to forgive myself and find a way forward. As difficult as the journey was, it was worth taking. Over time I was able to go deeper and release what was no longer needed, releasing stories created from a place of self-interest and status-seeking instead of places of love, service, and generosity.

You might ask, given a chance, I would change anything about my story. My answer is no. Why? Because this bag of mixed experiences shaped who I am today; it helped me to gain the skills, knowledge, and confidence to be a better friend, leader, mentor, and coach. I found my purpose. I continue to follow my dream.

So what is my dream? I dream of using these lessons and knowledge gained from my leadership journey to help others on a similar journey.

If you are one of these leaders who want to become a better leader, join me and other leaders on the journey you’ve been waiting for.

This training was designed to help you discover your unique leadership skills and how to implement them, whether you were setting the vision for your team, having a difficult conversation, overcoming existing challenges, or discovering what held you back from showing up fully and unapologetically YOU! 

Imagine what would be possible in your personal and professional life, the impact on your career growth as well as your health if you were able to lead from the place of courage and self-love, if you were able to establish a deeper connection with who you are and how you show up in the world, how could you impact those who you lead without the anxiety, seriousness while pretending to be someone who you are just to fit the “ideal leadership model.”

If you are ready to align your leadership style to who you truly are, to take down the walls you built over time that kept you safe yet unhappy, to free yourself from unhealthy, unbalanced life and implement a more sustainable, rewarding work-life balance check out my leadership training or group coaching opportunities I’m offering right now.

Leading from your values.

Have you ever thought about the role of values in leadership? How about bringing your values to work every day? Have you been told that you need to have different values in your professional and personal life?

While researching values for the upcoming leadership training, I came across Brené Brown’s research summary, where she stated:

“We can’t live into values that we can’t name, AND living into values requires moving from lofty aspirations to specific, observable behaviors.” 

For most of my leadership journey, I didn’t think much about my values and their role in my life. Honestly, I didn't even think I ever really knew what my values were. Over time I took various leadership or personality assessments, like Myers-Briggs or Strengths Finder, to discover some of my most vital traits and weaknesses that I need to work on. But I had no idea how to articulate my values. I knew some things deep down in my heart; I knew there was some roadmap I followed when I led, but I couldn’t name any parts.

Choosing values took a lot of work and time, especially when I had to select only the top five! I went through this exercise multiple times to ensure I understood the correlation between my values and how I showed up at work and in my personal life. I was determined to discover the connection between my beliefs, who I was being, what I held close to my heart, and my values.

Today, I want to share my values with you and walk you through how I put my values to work in my daily life, either at home or work. So here we are. My core values are Communication, Collaboration, Integrity, Trust, and Love.

Everyone knows communication is essential, yet only some are willing to communicate. For me, communication is the foundation of any relationship. It takes the guessing, stories, and beliefs out of the picture, allowing me to clearly understand where I stand, what I’m working with, and what my next steps are. For me, communicating my needs, wants, or desires or the organization’s needs, wants, or desires to my team enables me to move to the next stage successfully. 

With collaboration, the room for success is unlimited. If you ever found yourself in a team that doesn't collaborate, doesn’t feel like part of something bigger, and doesn’t work as one organism, then you know the opportunities for success are limited. As a leader, bringing individuals together and creating a team that brainstorms and collaborates is a skill that is necessary to run a successful team, yet only some leaders have it.

So, how do you build a team that communicates clearly and collaborate as one? Building a team based on trust works for my leadership style. I create an environment for my team where they feel safe to open up, freely share their ideas, and give me feedback during our 1:1 meetings or in a group setting. I clarify that we can only succeed if we work as one, with a clearly communicated vision and collaborative effort. They know I can’t do it alone, nor that I want to. I trust their judgment, and they trust mine. That is the power of my values that takes time to build.

But, to build a trusting team, my words must match my actions. This is where integrity comes in—giving honest feedback instead of pretending everything is OK. Asking for help instead of pretending I know it all. Taking responsibility and accountability for actions, especially admitting and owning my mistakes, makes me human and an honest and trustworthy leader.

Last but not least value is my favorite one. Love. Being able to show up from the place of love in my personal and professional life allows all other values to come together. I know I can have a difficult conversation, work on a complex project or even build a team from scratch because I can lead from my essence, my natural way of being, from my heart, instead of leading from fear, uncertainty, self-interest, and status-seeking.

I’m curious, what are your core values? How are your values aligned with your leadership style? If you ever need help clarifying how your values correspond with your leadership style, feel free to reach out.

I just don’t want to deal with this right now. Or ever!

In my coaching meeting with a client last Friday, we prepared for the upcoming difficult conversation he had to face. He told me it was the one part of leadership he didn’t like, but he knew it was necessary. Unfortunately, he wasn’t the only leader facing this situation. Most people don’t want to face a difficult conversation in their personal or professional lives.

Why is that? We understand the importance of open communication - good or bad - but often won’t find time to sit down and talk. We find excuses not to have them; we procrastinate or ask somebody else to do it. Some of us decide to do right on the spot, without much thought or preparation, just to be done with it. 

Have you ever thought that things would improve if you let enough time pass? Or you created a story that the other person just needed more time to figure out what needed to be done.

Let me ask again, why is that? What prevents us from having a difficult conversation? Maybe it is fear that deflects the meeting to the point of no return. If so, what are we afraid of? A confrontation? How are others going to react to the conversation? Being disliked? We can feel the anxiety building inside us because we don’t know how to approach the conversation or because we can’t control how the conversation will go and how people will react to what we have to say. And not knowing and being able to control it makes us feel vulnerable.

I know what I used to be afraid of when I had to have a difficult conversation with my employee, my partner, or even my child. I was often afraid of what others would say about me; I was scared of not being liked or seen as a lousy leader/partner/mother. I believed that I had to look good at all costs; after all, I had to continue proving to myself and others that I was the right person for the job and that I was good enough to lead a team. Sometimes, I already knew how this conversation would go - both sides trying to prove their point.

Knowing what prevents us from having a difficult conversation, what could we do to make this conversation easier, and how could we prepare for it? I found the most helpful way to go into the meeting with the mindset that you are here to help and the difficult conversation is needed to set the right action. It’s crucial during this conversation to ask direct questions and listen; be curious and open-minded; be clear in your message, and check in with them to ensure they understand where you’re coming from. Devise a plan you both agreed to that provides the conversion that wouldn’t be needed in the future. But most of all, be a host. As a leader, your intention should be to be fully present with an employee and for the employee. This is how you can build trust and understand what needs to be corrected and completed.

But there are times when we need to be OK with experiencing discomfort to be able to change the situation. Other times, we might need to go deeper to find the underlining cause of our pain. For example, is there a story we’re telling ourselves? Do we need to change our approach or perspective? Do we need to evaluate our way of thinking about the situation, maybe change how we approach the problem, and finally, check who we are being now?

I’m curious, where in your life might be the possibility of making a slight change in your doing, thinking, or being? Next time you recognize the internal battle, take a minute and quiet your mind to learn what holds you back from having the difficult conversation.

Change in Leadership.

On Sunday morning, I went for my run.  I ran across a deer family with a couple of them who had an impressive set of antlers.  I decided to change my route along the street, which is not my favorite, but it allowed me to continue my run.  This situation got me thinking - what is my relationship to change?

Before I share my perspective on change, I’m curious, how do you see change?  As an opportunity for innovation, to slow down, to reevaluate, or do you see it as your enemy?  As a leader in your organization, how do you see a change?  If you’re an entrepreneur - is it easy to pivot when a situation calls for it?  Are you open to new ideas?  Do you include others in the change, or do you prefer to do it alone and announce this is the new way of doing things?  Or do you like to stick to the original plan even if it’s not the right thing to do?

At some point, I’m pretty sure we all found ourselves in a situation that required change, and some of us enjoyed change better than others.  I used to be scared of change because I believed that if I had to change a course of actions previously agreed upon, I would look incompetent in the eyes of others.  I’d judge myself for not being able to prepare for every worst-case scenario as if that were possible.  For the longest time, I was terrified of change, so I wasn’t experimenting with other possibilities.  I was too scared to be open to alternatives.  I felt stuck.

As time passed, I started to change how I approached change.  I gained more confidence in decision-making and pivoting when the time called for action.  That change allowed me to see other possibilities and think outside the box.  I also discovered a talent I had, a skill that continued to be very useful in situations that required change.  I was good at brainstorming.  But most of all, I was able to bring others to the table to lead a brainstorming session to solve the problem at hand. 

So what changed in me?  I challenged the limiting beliefs that kept me hostage, stuck inside my head, and paralyzed with fear of what others say or think about me and my leadership style.  After all, I should have it all figured out by now if I wanted to lead a team, right?  I should be able to predict all the worst-case scenarios and pull the Ace from my pocket when the time comes.  I decided to change how I thought about something I had no control over.  This came with a need for additional change.  I asked myself who I was being when I was afraid of change.  

Over time, I chose to stop being afraid of change.  I started to see change as an inevitable part of my life.  As a leader, I began asking others for help.  I decided to show up open-minded, leading from my heart.  The change was scary because now I was more vulnerable.  But that change helped me bring people together to lead fruitful discussions, knowing that together - as a team - we had better chances of succeeding.   The change and the vulnerability didn’t make me weak, flawed, or imperfect.  It made me human.

The power of leadership is to bring people together in the face of change, whatever the difference looks like.  As a leader, you can influence change in your organization, bring people together, encourage people to speak up, and by being vulnerable, admits that only by working together we can face the change and still be successful.

Where in your life - personal or professional - is there the possibility of making a small change or a new way of thinking that could help you overcome the fear of change?

Photographs of Leadership.

What are some of the reasons people take pictures or record videos?  For some of us, we want to capture a moment in time that has some significance: a smile of your loved one, a change of season, a meteor shower, a sunset, a perfect wave, or flowers blooming in your garden.  Sometimes we come back to that photograph out of melancholy or simply because we miss how we felt when we took that picture.  This beautiful memory we captured is now accessible whenever we need to connect to that moment in time.

As I was photographing the snow-covered mountain from my living room this morning, I did precisely that.  I captured a moment in time that signified a season change.  Then I was thinking, where else in my life did I capture moments that impacted what kind of person I’m today, and what kind of medium did I use that enabled me to return to that place and time when needed?

The answer was right in front of me.  Throughout my life, I’ve been capturing moments of some level of significance not as a photograph but as a memory.  A memory of thoughts, tasks, processes, people, or events that impacted me as a person.  Sometimes that impact might be so significant that it changes how you show up in your life; sometimes, it is so tiny that you don’t notice until others comment on your new way of being.  So, I’ve built a “photo album” filled with memories that I use in my day-to-day life and my role as a leader.

I’m curious, how do you capture moments in your life that are significant to you in some way?  What kind of medium do you use; do you record it on your phone as a voice memo, write it down in your journal, or take a moment and think about the purpose of that moment and its impact on you?  Do you return to that memory because you see it as a lesson?

Let’s pause for a moment and consider what happens with the memories stored in us over our lifetime.  Where do they go?  How can we access it so quickly at times?  Yes, there is a scientific way to explain how and where memories are stored, but this is not where I want to take you; I want to explore the deeper places of our consciousness.  For better or worse, these memories become part of us; they get embodied in our bones and hearts.  @Robert Ellis refers to it as bone knowledge.  What do you know in your bones?  That bone knowledge is your lifetime experience, how you see the world, and how you show up for yourself and others.  The photographs of your life’s memories are what is in your bones.

So what can you do with this knowledge in your bones now in your role as a leader?  How can you use this gift of your life experience to become the leader you want to be?  I can’t tell you what to do in this short article; we are all too different, each on a unique journey.  But I can share with you how my bone knowledge supports me as a leader and coach.  I know my life experience is valuable to some, and sometimes even more valuable than what we can learn from books or cookie-cutter leadership or coaching training.  I’m grounded in my core knowledge; I know where my integrity and values come from; I’m open-hearted and vulnerable when meeting with a team member or a client because I finally trust what is in my bones.  How do I know that?  Because I wasn’t afraid to run experiments to see what works and what doesn’t, what brings value to others, and what is only valuable to me.  It’s a trial-and-error dance; only some are brave enough to step into the dance floor and take the first step.  And most of all, I’m not afraid of whom I’m becoming during this transformation that my bone knowledge provides.  It might not work for you, but it works for me.  

Next time when you think you don’t have anything to contribute or you don’t know the process or how to become a better leader, pause for a moment and go back to yourself and take an inventory of what is in your bones, what your album of significant events is telling you.  You already lived that part, maybe it had a different dressing on it or came via another medium, but you know in your bones how to react, how to solve the problem in front of you, how to instigate the change in your life so you can start showing up fully as the person, partner, leader or a team member that is aligned with your heart.

What kind of photographs your photo album contains?

A journey to true leadership.

Do you know how sometimes you must be someone else when you step into a leadership role? It’s like somehow you have to adapt to this new identity because your true self is not “good enough” or “not strong enough” for the position that you're now stepping into.

As I entered the world of leadership, another manager gave me some advice, “rule number one is don’t get too close to your team members and make sure they know who the boss is.”  I had a fair amount of managers in my career, and some of them followed the exact rule.  I didn’t like that as an employee, so I decided that if I ever went into management, I wouldn’t become what I stood against. I believe the employees should be informed, involved in decision-making, and, most of all, enjoy coming to work day after day.

Can you see how that advice didn’t sit well with me?  How did it go against my core values and vision of what kind of leader I wanted to become?  But little I knew that management and then leadership weren’t a mountain valley filled with wildflowers, waterfalls, and sunshine.  What a disappointment!  I fell into the trap of a ‘typical” leadership scheme where you follow set rules delivered by the HR department.  You were told to stay within the bounds of what was allowed and what wasn’t.  Leading from an open heart and creating a close relationship with teams wasn’t often encouraged because people would take advantage of you if you were vulnerable.

So I followed.  The more I followed, the more unhappy I was in my role and life.  This wasn’t the path I wanted to be on!  This was everything I stood against, and yet here I was, doing exactly what I was committed not to do.

Have you ever felt like leading from your most natural way of being was what you wanted to do but somehow lost track of it?  Have you ever thought of changing your leadership style but didn’t know which way to go?

Some time ago, I decided to go on a quest to discover if leading from my heart within predefined boundaries was as dangerous as everyone told me.  I took a chance since I had nothing more to lose. So I started to be more curious about the people I was working with, and over time, I began to build another level of relationship with them.  As the trust deepened, I could be more open and forthcoming with them; I was vulnerable and showed up as who I was instead of whom I was supposed to be.  I continued to set boundaries to ensure everyone understood the environment we were operating within.  I have finally become the leader I envision being many years ago.

If you want to change how you lead and who you are as a leader, then you need to find a way to change how you show up to your team; change how you think about leadership and your role.  The change might be scary; there are no guarantees that your new leadership style will bring you the satisfaction you seek.  The only thing you can ever control is yourself and how you show up.  As a result, you will have the confidence and ability to become an effective leader.

Leaders often don’t change their style because they are afraid of either losing their status and being disrespected or ignored, or they have this story in their head that the only way to lead a team is by creating an environment based on fear, hierarchy, or silence.  They continue to follow what they learned by watching other leaders who weren’t the best example.

You might believe that you need to be someone you’re not or adopt an identity that people will fear because if they don’t fear you, they won’t see you as an influential leader, and they won’t respect you enough to follow your lead.

What if I told you there is another way?  What if I showed you there is a way to realign your leadership with your essence?  You can lead your team in a way that aligns with who you are and how you want to show up in your world.  You don’t have to become somebody else when you cross the threshold of your office.  You can stop leading from the past and start leading from your natural way of being.

What do you envision your most significant transformation would look like for you?  Where in your leadership do you see the possibility of making small changes or introducing newness?